McKenzie sez teh gays makes small business owners cry

and then today:

Republicans can reach a broader base by recasting gay marriage as an issue that could dent pocketbooks as small businesses spend more on health care and other benefits, GOP Chairman Michael Steele said Saturday.

Steele said that was just an example of how the party can retool its message to appeal to young voters and minorities without sacrificing core conservative principles. Steele said he used the argument weeks ago while chatting on a flight with a college student who described herself as fiscally conservative but socially liberal on issues like gay marriage.

"Now all of a sudden I've got someone who wasn't a spouse before, that I had no responsibility for, who is now getting claimed as a spouse that I now have financial responsibility for," Steele told Republicans at the state convention in traditionally conservative Georgia. "So how do I pay for that? Who pays for that? You just cost me money."

Couldn't this possibly be also (mis)interpreted as a corporate argument against ALL marriage, because adding someone, anyone, to the family, and on to your benefits kills your bosses overhead?

Steele is a bigger moron than Glenn Beck. And he has about as little appeal to the younger generation as well, even though he tries to urban-suburbanize the GOP.

Watch more Futurama videos on AOL Video

"Whimmy wam wam wozzle!
Now let's go have a vote!"

Don't Let Oklahoma Hit You On the Ass...

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For eight solid years, the rhetoric from those in power on the right, and the morans who voted them in was if you don't like it, LEAVE! This is the greatest country in the world, aren't you Patriotic? If you're against the war, that's akin to Treason.

Now then, it hasn't even been 4 months, but the right is amping up the chest-thumping, but as far as love of country, they are whizzing it right down their legs. The last hundred days has seen Gun Sales go up 35%, calls for Obama's impeachment, throwing every name at him from Socialist, to Dictator; Totalitarian, to Fascist.

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And they haven't heard that, even though they need to. The right-wing fringe used to be the Patriot Movement, Militia-men/survivalist gun-nut Anarchy cookbook, and they were ignored or snubbed by the media. The bretheren of Tim McVeigh and Terry Nichols are now having their views embraced by "true conservatism" and broadcast nightly on Fox News.

In the movie the hero is offered two pills: red to learn the truth about the Matrix; blue to go on living blissfully ignorant to what is really going on.

The way to take our country back will short-circuit the Matrix we are living in. And it has to do with gun rights, state's rights and what I call the civilest war.

Along with the gun bill, Montana legislators are considering a resolution that affirms the 10th Amendment principle that the federal government only has those powers that are specifically given to it by the U.S. Constitution.

“The whole goal is to awaken the people so that we can return to a properly grounded republic,” Rep. Michael More, R-Gallatin Gateway and the Montana resolution’s sponsor, said at a House committee hearing Wednesday.

As many as fifteen other Legislatures have also been mulling resolutions that buck federal control in states such as New Hampshire, South Carolina, Missouri and Oklahoma.

Okay, you won't secede, but you're going to have your state governments declare by fiat that Federal Laws now no longer apply?

"The government is afraid of the guns people have because they have to have control of the people at all times. Once you take away the guns, you can do anything to the people. You give them an inch and they take a mile. I believe we are slowly turning into a socialist government. The government is continually growing bigger and more powerful, and the people need to prepare to defend themselves against government control"
-Tim McVeigh, interviewed by a student reporter at the Waco Siege of the Branch Davidian compound, 1993.

David Neiwert, an expert in the Patriot movement, had this to say about Glen Beck and the similarities between his paranoia and the militia's.

The hyper-normality is a kind of intentional camouflage. The Patriot movement, and militias in particular, were a very specific and intentional strategy adopted in the 1990s by the white supremacists and radical tax protesters of the American far right -- and the whole purpose of the strategy was to mainstream their belief systems and their agendas. The tactic was to adopt the appearance of normal, "red-blooded" Americanism as a way of pushing out the idea that their radical beliefs are "normal" too.

In the process, they often adopted time-worn "patriotic" sayings and symbols, such as the "Don't Tread On Me" flag Beck wears, as their own -- though with a much more menacing meaning. If you've seen that flag at an Aryan Nations compound, as I have, you never quite look at it the same.

This is why the meaning of Thomas Jefferson's quote above ["The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."] is quite different for them than it is for you and me. To all outward appearances, it is just an expression of avid patriotism. But to a Patriot movement follower, it means something potentially deadly.

These people have the paranoia of New World Order Conspiracy Theorist Alex Jones, they have the gun lust of Ted Nugent, the global voice of Rupert Murdoch, the pride, irresponsibility, and stupidity of Jenny McCarthy, coupled with the eliminationist vitriol of David Duke and Fred Phelps. There may have enough chest-thumping bedwetters in their audience to keep a show on the air and make it a ratings hit, but they will never get back to 51% with shit like this.

Suck on it, wingnuts.


Erm, case in point, from today.

FUJM

Purity Ball

Former #2 of a Nation of 300 Million People:

"I think my take on it was Colin had already left the party. I didn't know he was still a Republican," Cheney said on "Face the Nation" when asked about controversy surrounding Powell's remarks that the Republican Party should become more centrist.

Cough. Cough. OUT OF CONTEXT! BULLSHIT! Cough.

Okay, here's a little more context than Google news wanted to provide:

Asked about recent verbal broadsides between Limbaugh and Powell, Cheney said, "If I had to choose in terms of being a Republican, I'd go with Rush Limbaugh. My take on it was Colin had already left the party. I didn't know he was still a Republican."

Also, No More Rats!

A Sinking Ship: “Yay! We’re rat free! We have no more rats! Not a single rat on boa…glub! Glub! Glub! sputter! Glub! Glub! gasp! Not one single ra… glub! Glub! GLUB! Gurgle… gurgle….

glub…”

[an eerie silence, as the waters close and become still]

Add Captain Ed in an eye patch, sword raised, yelling “Porkulus!”, as the Crow’s Nest submerges and the image is complete.

Jack, Nina, Mason, Sawyer, Kate, Juliette, Jack...

Wow,

Was the season finale to LOST worthless or what?
Best season, most useless conclusion.

I’d spoil another show, but I won’t, so lets just say the feeling is still familiar.

---
@freelancer:

Was the season finale to LOST worthless or what?

I don’t know much about Lost. But everyone on Twitter seems to be befuddled by it or completely confused (is “befuddled” and “completely confused” redundant?.)

What’s the deal? (without giving anything away, of course.

---
okay well the best moments in lost usually happen in the last few minutes of each ep. The writer’s have a scene that turns the story on its head or reveal something so astounding that the whole audience is like WTF? Usually its a denouement or okay, the ep has climaxed, here’s your post coital smoke, but did you know that cig is laced w/ PCP? WTF? and so they have some kind of narrative device, don’t push the red button scenario. The red button gets pushed, something changes and we see everything anew, and say WTF?
Last night the show smash-cut to white on the pushing of the proverbial red-button. It was pretty weak sauce.

---
@freelancer: So basically, it is completely unpredictable…?

I don’t necessarily like predictable, but I like to be able to guess. Are you saying “It is so ‘Out there’ that you can’t even guess”

Because I hate that.

I have a love-hate relationship with “24” because it is somewhere in between.

---
@Michael D:

My friend Alex and I had this same conversation while watching Lost last night.
The appeal of Lost, to me so far is that it has been completely incomprehensible, surprising, and yet it has felt right. The show is internally consistent in its logic. While I absolutely despise fantasy and magical thinking in my recent, but inevitable conversion to skepticism, I will readily allow it to be present in the name of telling a good story. Lost’s story, so far, has shown an amazing dedication to continuity, that rivals The Venture Bros. in terms of the lengths its producers have been willing to go to preserve the validity of its earlier volumes.

My gripe with last night’s finale, isn’t that it doesn’t continue the story in a manner unfaithful with the rest of the series, but that this season, awesome as it has been, taking a mysterious, on-its-face fantasy tale which veers sharply into a science fiction narrative, failed to reward its viewers on a purely narrative scale. The show stopped short.

There is one more season to be made, and the story will pick up from there, but to offer an analogy, it is as if the Godfather faded to credits after the Baptism montage and the killing of Moe Green…

and we are left in the dark as to the plot and drama of what happened next until the sequel comes out two years later in 1974. It’s not a bad story, but it is cheap storytelling.

As far as 24 is concerned, the show lost me completely when one of the techie characters was sequestered for suspicions of being a security threat, and Milo was like “OMG, are they kidding? She’s a loyal American, she votes Republican for crying out loud!”
I have the first 5 seasons on DVD, but even my Navy, semi-wingnut uncle has aptly summarized the show as Kiefer Sutherland screaming at a locked door:

“We’re running out of TIME!”
“Who are you working for?!”
“I’m your only chance!”
“Tell me what you know!”

Wingnut Diet: How to feast like a Patriot

From Renato at BJ

Dear Prospective Republican:

Congratulations! You’re just one small step from joining God’s Own Party!

Please fill out the attached form in full. Also, please be sure to read in full the 3 pages long (front and back) document which contains the Republican Dietary Laws, which are summarized here:

1) Whenever ordering a philly cheese steak, first make sure to enquire as to which cheese the locals like to put on theirs. Failure to do so may result in your being branded as an elitist.

2) Diet soda is for fags.

3) When selecting mustard as a condiment, please ensure that it is common yellow American mustard. No imported french mustards, not even Grey Poupon (even if it is made in America). “French’s” mustard, though technically permissible, should probably be avoided for obvious reasons.

4) No Heinz ketchup.

5) No imported beer. Bud and Coors are acceptable, in that order of preference. Miller is not acceptable.

6) Consumption of the following fresh vegetables is permitted: iceberg lettuce, ‘regular’ tomatoes, celery, corn, carrots and cucumbers. Any other variety of lettuce such as romaine lettuce or butter lettuce is prohibited. When choosing a salad dressing, a good choice is 1000 Island or Ranch. Never select anything with the word ‘vinagrette’ in its name. French dressing is right out.

Arugula is for fags, as are organic vegetables. All other vegetables should be consumed cooked and topped with butter or as heavy of a cream sauce as possible.

7) Eat as much red meat as possible. This really pisses off PETA, vegetarians, and Al Gore. As we all know, the ultimate goal of conservatism is to annoy liberals as much as possible.

8) All grocery shopping should be done by your girlfriend or wife. Should you be required to go to the grocery store as well (perhaps to give her instruction in how to properly follow these dietary laws), do not push the cart as this is a sign of an emasculated boyfriend or husband. Do not shop at Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods or other pinko commie elitist grocery stores such as these. When asked ‘paper or plastic’, request that your purchases be bagged individually and triple-bagged with non-recyclable plastic bags. Discard the excess bags in the parking lot. This also annoys Al Gore.

Finally, please be sure to read and sign the “I Am Not A Secret Fag” document. It’s just a formality but we’ve had a real problem with this lately so it is necessary. Be sure to remember that it still counts as faggotry if you only pitch and never catch. If you don’t know what this means, don’t worry about it. We don’t want you getting curious.

Welcome to the Republican party! You betcha!

Hippity-hoppity yours fo’ shizzle,


Michael Steele

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Back the wrong horse?

Warner Bros will now swap your rarely watched HD-DVD's for rarely watched Bluray discs, for only $5 a pop. If Universal does this, too, I'll be set.

Confusion/Awe Concentrate - Add 2 Cups Saccharine*

WTF?!









*THIS PRODUCT CONTAINS A CHEMICAL(S) KNOWN TO THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA TO CAUSE CANCER.

In defense of Madlibs

Yesterday, I was struck dumb by Tbogg's post regarding William Kristol. He quoted the King of Fractal Wrongness verbatim from his column:

"Of course, everyone’s first choice for president in 2012 is Dick Cheney."

And as I was walking back to my car from my job, wherein, unlike Kristol, I sometimes serve a useful purpose to humanity, health, and truth, I was gobsmacked by the ability to write that sentence without any sense of irony. I was wracked by a misanthropic, Lewis Black felt urge to figure it out, irregardless of the possibility of bringing on a cerebral aneurysm, or two.

William Kristol is an intellectual thought-experimenter. He experiments on ideas the way make-up companies flood the eyes of rabbits with mascara to test any ill-effects. (Animal testing is okay with me, btw, for biological research) He composes a sentence, a few ideas, up to and almost including a thesis, innocuous at best, ends it with a fill in the blank, and emails it to the kid in the mailroom at the Weekly Standard. This 13-year old conservative author and keynote speaker decides to challenge Kristol, so he plays Madlibs with the column and Replies back to Kristol with his new, revised column. Kristol, bored with life, "success", and his own trumpeting the sewage-bound of recent history, takes his newly formed thesis and musters a defense. He has become opposition-prep for himself, arguing the inarguable:

"Of course, everyone’s first choice for president in 2012 is __________."

"Dick Cheney"

"Okay, I'll bite. Now Dick Cheney is SO obvious I can't go with him, but there's another Cheney I want you to know about who was in enemy territory recently..."


Wow, so much for being an electable demographic ever again. One of the most popular shows on TV, week to week is CSI with a 18 million households watching, but as an electorate, well, Marg Helgenberger isn't going to be elected to local or national office anytime soon. Conservatives tend to hate science, "liberal" colleges or anything resembling anything "elite", but as a math equation, out of 300 million (that's another six zeros after that), does 20-60/300 million = 50+/-%?

A hit show does not mean you've created a massive new political party, or wield a heft of national influence over the culture at large. Just ask any Browncoat or fan of Jericho.

I wouldn't take these guys seriously unless I had evidence I was supposed to take them seriously. Washington Post, Major Cable News, The first new column for the Conservative Op-Ed slot of the NEW YORK TIMES?!

"Cheney for President

[...]it's been hard to escape the impression that both the Republican Party and the country would be better off today if Cheney, rather than John McCain, had been a candidate for president in 2008.[...]
[...]At the very least, a Cheney-Obama contest would have clarified conservatism’s present political predicament.[...]
[...]He was for tax cuts at home and pre-emptive warfare overseas; anything else he seemed to disdain as sentimentalism.

This is precisely the sort of conservatism that’s ascendant in today’s much-reduced Republican Party, from the talk radio dials to the party’s grassroots. And a Cheney-for-President campaign would have been an instructive test of its political viability.

As a candidate, Cheney would have doubtless been as disciplined and ideologically consistent as McCain was feckless. [...]

[...]A large swath of the political class wants to avoid the torture debate. Ed, "Sadly, no!" The Obama administration backed into it last week, and obviously wants to back right out again.[...]"

Are they that cynical? Are they fucking kidding me? Torture is defensible. Torture was practiced, even though they knew it didn't work, because people will say anything under extreme duress. They don't come clean, they bow to the will of their interrogators, and if the questions lead them in the direction of Iraq, SURE they helped Iraq, and spilled the beans in that direction. Even though none of it was independently verifiable, sustained, or corroborated, it, along with volumes of horseshit spewed by "Curveball" made it into the January 2003 SOTU.

The wingnuts need a dictionary, and a remedial class on American History, Civics, and its Government. We're supposed to be the good guys, assholes!
But just keep walking forward, and Clap Louder!

Unintentional Comedy

Over the winter, I got roped into seeing Twilight. An hour into the movie, I was reconsidering the value I placed on the friendship between me and the person who had suggested seeing it. Fortunately, we decided to walk out. As a general rule, I don't dig vampire movies, but if you must, Let the Right One In is a total gem, a really brilliant movie (and if you have Netflix you can watch it online/on your Xbox 360 for free).

Last Tuesday, the former members of MST3K released their latest ravaging of horrid pop culture. A riff of Twilight, I highly recommend:

In the vein of Shamblog

I'm about to take a shit on popular opinion. I found the woman through of all filters, Sully.
but the rest of the world noticed in the meantime. The UK laughed at her mere appearance, and People embraced her wholeheartedly. Somewhere in the middle is John Cole, who is rolling his eyes at the pure obsession of any infantile masses. I just think that the best will prevail. Musically,

Susan Boyle vs. a DJ



VS.

High Contrast - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang




She definitely loses this battle, but the woman has never been kissed. To me, that's a fundamental human experience. Who's going to step up?

PS - I think in terms of songs named "Cry me a river" one can do no better than a punk/metal cover:

Kinda like "Where's waldo?", but with potential world leaders

Find the individual in this clip dumber than Sarah Palin.

HINT: He's the Secretary of Education.

Breaking News: Oprah buys into ex-gay BS while interviewing closeted gay pastor

Plus THIS:


























EQUALS THIS:














See also this.

I decided to watch Haggard on Oprah. The man is deeply in the closet, and she did NOTHING to even argue that he could in fact be a repressed gay man, or do anything to counter his promotion of an ex-gay evangelical worldview. When he started in talking about Demonic Spirits and how Demons are all around us, with Angels as well, and there wasn't the faintest bit of laughter in Winfrey's studio audience, I gave up and changed it to Jeopardy.

FIN

The Bends...

How about you?

Wow, just wow...

Why they can't all be right,









"It's amazing that brain can generate enough power to keep those legs moving."

Man vs. (Big Dog) Machine

Robotics is becoming more and more of a creepy field as researchers come closer and closer with each iteration to making more accurate analogs of human/animal behavior/movement. For example "Big Dog" via BostonDynamics,



However, I choose to remain unimpressed until such time that robots surpass our talent for parody:



That is all.

Lost's J. J. Abrams @ TED

Best Music Video of the 21st century

Weezer - Pork And Beans
Uploaded by Weezer

*Swoon*

When Heroes and Genius goddesses chat
[/fawning]